Fear is a funny thing. It can manifest itself in so many ways that we often mistake it for something completely different. Oftentimes, it uses other emotions or activities as a veneer in order to mask its true identity. Anger, procrastination, OCD, controlling behaviors, rigidity, constant pleasure-seeking…have all been veneers for various fears I was holding onto but afraid to face.
In this case, it was my seeming inability to sit down and begin the preparation work for these images. Initially, I had written it off as being too busy with other things. When that excuse was no longer working I then went into various machinations involving my using the time to gather more ideas and usher in a creative flow. One day I was sorting through some acrylic paints inventorying what I needed to replace and I accidentally picked up one of my watercolor vials and a rush of anxiety hit me like a ton of bricks. Beneath it was the palpable sensation of fear.
The fear was a wake=up call and a reminder. It let me know exactly “why” I hadn’t been working the sketches for this series because I was afraid to get started because I was afraid to fail. I was afraid to dive in because I haven’t used watercolors in over a year and I wasn’t sure if I could get back into the medium and produce anything value. As any artist will tell you, watercolor is an extremely difficult medium and most painters try their best to stay away from it. Although watercolor has been my preferred medium since college, it does take time and failures to really master and I had been focusing on developing my acrylic skills while trying to complete my “Chakra” series.
This sudden realization and the subsequent acknowledgment of my fear broke its power over me and allowed me to not only admit it, but more importantly to face-it and thereby release its energy from being. This was release was the catalyst for my steps to begin delving into the bread and butter of this new series. These 3 initial images are not as polished as some of my previous endeavors but they are powerful representatives of a return to watercolor. Stay tuned for my three in this series as you be privy to the transformations that will occur as the series progresses.
These three images feature the lovely and extremely athletic yogini Zen Forbes of “In with Zen” Yoga.
Pincha Mayurasna – Forearm Stand
Salamba Shirshasana – Head Stand
Virabhadrasana II – Warrior II